Well, you tried your best, but we (the rest of America, that is) have finally managed to wrest the presidency away from you. (Perhaps because your hands were already full, clutching your guns in fear that Obama will soon take them away.)
It's been almost 50 years since a Democrat who was not one-of-you has been elected president. (And look what happened to him -- and where.) But finally we've gotten a genuinely good man elected.
I know you did your best (except for Florida, but we know what kind of people live there). After all, the electoral map down South is indeed one big block of angry red. Sorry. It's just that the rest of us have f***ing had enough of you.
So here's my proposal. You know that offer you made back in 1860? Well, on second thought, you go right ahead and secede. Please. As in, get the f*** out of my country so we can get some real work done. Important work. Good work.
First, of course, you'll have to let all those fake Southerners out. Everyone who voted blue is more than welcome to come on up here. Fake Southerners: the rest of America welcomes you.
As for the rest of you: seriously, secede already. You got a lot of good people killed in the Civil War and its aftermath, and you should be ashamed that the Civil Rights movement was ever necessary. And, as stated, you make it really hard for the rest of us to elect a proper government. Proper -- as in, not bat-sh*t insane.
I know, I'm supposed to be all "let's just get along," but right now Obama's only leading by a mere 4 points in the popular vote count, and that makes me sad. So I've got to say this (with my real pretty mouth). Let's face it, there are two Americas. And you're the one that's dead weight. So, (once the fake, blue Southerners have left) feel free to inbreed yourselves into oblivion. I like The Dukes of Hazzard as much as the next guy, and thanks for Faulkner and O'Connor, but it's time for you to leave.
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